Posts
What are you most sensitive about?
Is this following on from 'show us your favourite tool' from yesterday?
I'd say about there <points>
Show us your favorite tool.
Submitted by Maraschino.
Its owner would never let me.
Has anyone ever done something so horrible to you that "I'm sorry" couldn't fix it?
Or it might be nice to ask: has anyone ever done something so good to you that "thanks" wasn't enough?
I'd say yes, quite often, but you can use your imagination to work out what.
Extract of a conversation earlier (I'm getting dressed ready for work):
Big Boy: You're bum's looking really good at the moment. You should see your bum. It's looking more <cups hands>
Me: Thank you. More...?
Big Boy: More shapely. It's got shape now - it sits up there and doesn't just join with your thighs. You should take a look.
Me: <speechless>
Do you believe in ghosts? If so, have you ever seen one?
As I don't believe in an afterlife, and as I am an atheist, no I don't believe in ghosts. I have however met a couple of liars people in my time who claim to have seen/communicated with them. They said a lot of things, though.
I feel like such a schmuck this morning. I'm used to noises outside - they happen every now and then with people coming home drunk, arguments in the street, the mentally disabled guy down the road, or more. I presume that if I go out to check I'm going to invite trouble. For the past hour, I lay awake unable to get back to sleep, and tried to decide what sort of person was out there. For an hour, I could have called an ambulance and I didn't. Because I mistook primal moans of pain for sex noises (presuming someone had left their window open). I think the guy's going to be okay - he was still conscious when the ambulance arrived, but I feel like such a schmuck. If it weren't for the fact that Big Boy had to get to work early, who knows what time someone would have helped. Schmuck.
If I knew how to do one of those linky things, I'd do one of those linky things, but I don't so you don't get one. Here's the long-awaited reply to my exciting Teapot complaint:
Dear Oink Piggermann,
I am sorry to hear about your ill health. This is the first message about this because amazon.co.uk has failed to pass us your message.
The teapot that you ordered is made from Yixing purple clay, somewhat a hybrid between earthenware and porcelain. The clay is finely grained and has a very high absorption rate because of its porous density, which makes it absorb water very easily. The clay contains a high iron content of over 9% which adds to its colour and is probably why you queried its colour. The iron content also adds flavour to the tea, as well as the porosity of the clay. As the teapot is used more, it becomes more and more shiny with a layer of patina, which makes tea brewed in it more fragrant. Unfortunately, when you washed it, the teapot absorbed the washing liquid that was used to wash it, which is probably the reason why you were afflicted with constipation and the strange taste of the tea.
Our products are completely genuine and original versions of the teapot can be seen in V&A.
· http://images.vam.ac.uk/indexplus/result.html?_IXFIRST_=3&_IXSS_=_IXFIRST_%3d1%26_IXINITSR_%3dy%26%2524%253dIXID%3d%26_IXACTION_%3dquery%26%2524%253dIXOBJECT%3d%26_IXMAXHITS_%3d15%26%252asform%3dvanda%26%2524%253dIXNAME%3d%26_IXSESSION_%3dCZjJGmLw3z4%26%2524%253dIXPLACE%3d%26_IXadv_%3d0%26search%3dsearch%26%2524%253dIXMATERIAL%3d%26%2524%253ds%3dchinese%2bteapot%26%2524%253dop%3dAND%26_IXFPFX_%3dtemplates%252ft%26%2524%253dsi%3dtext%26%2524%253dIXFROM%3d%26%2524%253dIXTO%3d&_IXACTION_=query&_IXMAXHITS_=1&_IXSR_=0Ysy7UCALR2&_IXSPFX_=templates%2ft&_IXFPFX_=templates%2ft&s=CZjJGmLw3z4
· http://images.vam.ac.uk/indexplus/result.html?_IXFIRST_=24&_IXSS_=_IXFIRST_%3d1%26_IXINITSR_%3dy%26%2524%253dIXID%3d%26_IXACTION_%3dquery%26%2524%253dIXOBJECT%3d%26_IXMAXHITS_%3d15%26%252asform%3dvanda%26%2524%253dIXNAME%3d%26_IXSESSION_%3dCZjJGmLw3z4%26%2524%253dIXPLACE%3d%26_IXadv_%3d0%26search%3dsearch%26%2524%253dIXMATERIAL%3d%26%2524%253ds%3dchinese%2bteapot%26%2524%253dop%3dAND%26_IXFPFX_%3dtemplates%252ft%26%2524%253dsi%3dtext%26%2524%253dIXFROM%3d%26%2524%253dIXTO%3d&_IXACTION_=query&_IXMAXHITS_=1&_IXSR_=0Ysy7UCALR2&_IXSPFX_=templates%2ft&_IXFPFX_=templates%2ft
· http://images.vam.ac.uk/indexplus/result.html?_IXFIRST_=23&_IXSS_=_IXFIRST_%3d1%26_IXINITSR_%3dy%26%2524%253dIXID%3d%26_IXACTION_%3dquery%26%2524%253dIXOBJECT%3d%26_IXMAXHITS_%3d15%26%252asform%3dvanda%26%2524%253dIXNAME%3d%26_IXSESSION_%3dCZjJGmLw3z4%26%2524%253dIXPLACE%3d%26_IXadv_%3d0%26search%3dsearch%26%2524%253dIXMATERIAL%3d%26%2524%253ds%3dchinese%2bteapot%26%2524%253dop%3dAND%26_IXFPFX_%3dtemplates%252ft%26%2524%253dsi%3dtext%26%2524%253dIXFROM%3d%26%2524%253dIXTO%3d&_IXACTION_=query&_IXMAXHITS_=1&_IXSR_=0Ysy7UCALR2&_IXSPFX_=templates%2ft&_IXFPFX_=templates%2ft
If you would like some help in ridding the teapot of the washing up chemicals, here are some instructions to follow:
1. Submerge the teapot in a pan of water enough to keep the water boiling for around 45 minutes and the teapot is still submerged. Make sure the pan does not have any taste or smell and is completely and utterly clean before attempting this!
2. Gently heat the water until it is boiling and then throw in a fistful of tea leaves and then keep the water boiling for around another three minutes.
3. Then, fish out the tea leaves and leave the teapot in the water for another thirty minutes, keeping the water boiling.
4. Turn off the heat, take out the teapot and leave it to dry in a dry place out of reach of direct sunlight.
5. Once the teapot is dry and cooled down, brush it thoroughly with a soft-bristled toothbrush with toothpaste. Make sure the bristles are extremely soft; preferably soak the toothbrush in hot water for around 3 minutes.
6. Wash the teapot with clear water thoroughly to get rid of the toothpaste.
7. Before the next use, rinse the teapot with boiling water and the teapot should be fine.
This should remove all the chemicals that the teapot absorbed when it was washed with washing liquid. Remember, never wash it with anything but clear water.
If you have any further question, please do not hesitate to contact me.
Now if it weren't for the fact that the incident that occurred was the singularly most uncomfortable experience of my life, I might - might - be willing to give this a go. However, even if there's just a 1% chance that I am right and that teapot did cause my constipation - and Big Boy's constipation - I am just not willing to take that chance. So the teapot is up for grabs - particularly for anyone who might want to curtail their egg-laying. If you say no to this, I'll assume that you're actually on my side and don't think I'm quite mad.
What do you most hate sharing with other people?
Any small part of my rightful space on a train. When someone's arm strays into my part of a seat, or their leg, or their bum, it just absolutely gets my goat. Fortunately, I get too busy playing 'arm/leg/bum wars' to get too irate, but really they should just bog the heck off. Oh I forgot newspapers too - there's newspaper wars to be played quite often as well (some people really should learn to fold).
A few nights ago, I broke my promise to never eat crisps again. I 'gave them up for good' in the last week of January, so breaking the habit of a lifetime. I had literally not had one until the other night when I succumbed and ate a salt and vinegar crisp sandwich. Crisps were never meant to get me this way - in my dreams - it's like being pursued my Freddie Krueger but probably less bloody. I'm very happy to dream about cake (no really, I am), naughty business, and all sorts of things but when crisps come to get me when I'm unconscious they're just not playing my game. (2 months without crisps and counting)
I've done the maths and I'm going to have to start exercising. At my present rate of weight loss (which is assuming that it continues) I won't reach my target weight for another 21 weeks. Which is a long time to wait for a summer wardrobe and a great big chunk out of my life.
