Teapot (one last time)
If I knew how to do one of those linky things, I'd do one of those linky things, but I don't so you don't get one. Here's the long-awaited reply to my exciting Teapot complaint:
Dear Oink Piggermann,
I am sorry to hear about your ill health. This is the first message about this because amazon.co.uk has failed to pass us your message.
The teapot that you ordered is made from Yixing purple clay, somewhat a hybrid between earthenware and porcelain. The clay is finely grained and has a very high absorption rate because of its porous density, which makes it absorb water very easily. The clay contains a high iron content of over 9% which adds to its colour and is probably why you queried its colour. The iron content also adds flavour to the tea, as well as the porosity of the clay. As the teapot is used more, it becomes more and more shiny with a layer of patina, which makes tea brewed in it more fragrant. Unfortunately, when you washed it, the teapot absorbed the washing liquid that was used to wash it, which is probably the reason why you were afflicted with constipation and the strange taste of the tea.
Our products are completely genuine and original versions of the teapot can be seen in V&A.
· http://images.vam.ac.uk/indexplus/result.html?_IXFIRST_=3&_IXSS_=_IXFIRST_%3d1%26_IXINITSR_%3dy%26%2524%253dIXID%3d%26_IXACTION_%3dquery%26%2524%253dIXOBJECT%3d%26_IXMAXHITS_%3d15%26%252asform%3dvanda%26%2524%253dIXNAME%3d%26_IXSESSION_%3dCZjJGmLw3z4%26%2524%253dIXPLACE%3d%26_IXadv_%3d0%26search%3dsearch%26%2524%253dIXMATERIAL%3d%26%2524%253ds%3dchinese%2bteapot%26%2524%253dop%3dAND%26_IXFPFX_%3dtemplates%252ft%26%2524%253dsi%3dtext%26%2524%253dIXFROM%3d%26%2524%253dIXTO%3d&_IXACTION_=query&_IXMAXHITS_=1&_IXSR_=0Ysy7UCALR2&_IXSPFX_=templates%2ft&_IXFPFX_=templates%2ft&s=CZjJGmLw3z4
· http://images.vam.ac.uk/indexplus/result.html?_IXFIRST_=24&_IXSS_=_IXFIRST_%3d1%26_IXINITSR_%3dy%26%2524%253dIXID%3d%26_IXACTION_%3dquery%26%2524%253dIXOBJECT%3d%26_IXMAXHITS_%3d15%26%252asform%3dvanda%26%2524%253dIXNAME%3d%26_IXSESSION_%3dCZjJGmLw3z4%26%2524%253dIXPLACE%3d%26_IXadv_%3d0%26search%3dsearch%26%2524%253dIXMATERIAL%3d%26%2524%253ds%3dchinese%2bteapot%26%2524%253dop%3dAND%26_IXFPFX_%3dtemplates%252ft%26%2524%253dsi%3dtext%26%2524%253dIXFROM%3d%26%2524%253dIXTO%3d&_IXACTION_=query&_IXMAXHITS_=1&_IXSR_=0Ysy7UCALR2&_IXSPFX_=templates%2ft&_IXFPFX_=templates%2ft
· http://images.vam.ac.uk/indexplus/result.html?_IXFIRST_=23&_IXSS_=_IXFIRST_%3d1%26_IXINITSR_%3dy%26%2524%253dIXID%3d%26_IXACTION_%3dquery%26%2524%253dIXOBJECT%3d%26_IXMAXHITS_%3d15%26%252asform%3dvanda%26%2524%253dIXNAME%3d%26_IXSESSION_%3dCZjJGmLw3z4%26%2524%253dIXPLACE%3d%26_IXadv_%3d0%26search%3dsearch%26%2524%253dIXMATERIAL%3d%26%2524%253ds%3dchinese%2bteapot%26%2524%253dop%3dAND%26_IXFPFX_%3dtemplates%252ft%26%2524%253dsi%3dtext%26%2524%253dIXFROM%3d%26%2524%253dIXTO%3d&_IXACTION_=query&_IXMAXHITS_=1&_IXSR_=0Ysy7UCALR2&_IXSPFX_=templates%2ft&_IXFPFX_=templates%2ft
If you would like some help in ridding the teapot of the washing up chemicals, here are some instructions to follow:
1. Submerge the teapot in a pan of water enough to keep the water boiling for around 45 minutes and the teapot is still submerged. Make sure the pan does not have any taste or smell and is completely and utterly clean before attempting this!
2. Gently heat the water until it is boiling and then throw in a fistful of tea leaves and then keep the water boiling for around another three minutes.
3. Then, fish out the tea leaves and leave the teapot in the water for another thirty minutes, keeping the water boiling.
4. Turn off the heat, take out the teapot and leave it to dry in a dry place out of reach of direct sunlight.
5. Once the teapot is dry and cooled down, brush it thoroughly with a soft-bristled toothbrush with toothpaste. Make sure the bristles are extremely soft; preferably soak the toothbrush in hot water for around 3 minutes.
6. Wash the teapot with clear water thoroughly to get rid of the toothpaste.
7. Before the next use, rinse the teapot with boiling water and the teapot should be fine.
This should remove all the chemicals that the teapot absorbed when it was washed with washing liquid. Remember, never wash it with anything but clear water.
If you have any further question, please do not hesitate to contact me.
Now if it weren't for the fact that the incident that occurred was the singularly most uncomfortable experience of my life, I might - might - be willing to give this a go. However, even if there's just a 1% chance that I am right and that teapot did cause my constipation - and Big Boy's constipation - I am just not willing to take that chance. So the teapot is up for grabs - particularly for anyone who might want to curtail their egg-laying. If you say no to this, I'll assume that you're actually on my side and don't think I'm quite mad.
Comments
Aww, what an awesome reply. And I am definitely on your side.
(Also, to do a link, just highlight the text you want to form the link and then click on the little "chain" button at the top of the compose window - it's the 8th one along.)
I'd say that it's the iron content of the pot that is going to have given you constipation - washing up liquid would have given you the runs.
GREAT reply, though.
I reckon Floaty's right - you were suffering from Tinny Turd Syndrome. 's true. Look it up.
On the contrary, I am on antibiotics at the moment so I have constant diarrhoea, I would be more than happy to see if it makes any difference to the diarrhoea though, if you so wish and prove conclusively that it was indeed what was causing the constipation in the first place.
Their letter to you contains one correct thing (clay absorbs water), and one incorrect thing (washing up liquid causes constipation).
Washing up liquid is a detergent, and therefore has irritant effects when taken internally. As mentioned earlier, that's probably going to be diarrhoea and not constipation (although everyone's different...)
Clay absorbs water in the pottery itself, but it can probably also absorb water while it's in the colon. As this is the part of the body that removes water from what remains of your food, you are likely to end up with even more water being drawn out of the colon's contents. (hence making stools hard to pass).
In short, you have probably ended up drinking a clay suspension, rather than anything else. I suspect the iron in the explanation is a bit of a red herring.
Either way though, a teapost that leaches a high quantity of clay and/or iron is really not good for you. I would forget the whole 'cleaning it with toothpaste' rigmarole as it's not going to address the real problem and is likely to be a waste of time.
It is either from a faulty batch or is a terrible design, so best to ask for your money back from the charming lunatics who made it. Full marks to them for pleasant customer service, nul points for them being scientific.
Oh, and its a wonderful idea, to let your friend be guinea pigs. I wish I had more friends like that.
Waiting for future updates.