Oink (who appreciates fine thighs)’s Neighborhood
Lydia does not have many marvellous things to write about in comparison with other countries, except for the gold dust that is carried down from Mount Tmolus.
- Herodotus, The History, 1.93
http://www.fleur-de-coin.com/articles/oldestcoin.asp
As I recline, hopefully recuperating, my mind has turned to indulgences, and my selling therein of. For those of you late to St Flamingo Dancer flock, my New Year’s intention is to bestow upon myself sainthood. I am so wonderful, already a goddess, that it is a natural extension of my fabulosity.
I am also in it for the money. I shall sell indulgences. Not the kind of indulgence that gets you a good after life, or anything of that nature, for that side of the market is already taken. No, I shall sell indulgences that perpetuates happiness in this world, and revenge upon those who wrong against my “clients”.
I thought about what currency I should use, and thought about the Electrum Stater Of Miletos or the tripodes", "axes" or "skewers" of the pre-Numismatic Age, but eventually I arrived at the conclusion that Herodotus, sometimes, was right and so I shall use gold dust as my currency of exchange.
So I am thinking of setting the base rate of 14 grams of gold dust per smiting of employers, mothers in law and generally anyone who gets in your way in the supermarket. I set a lower price for smiting as I gain a certain large degree of pleasure from it myself!
28 grams of gold dust for the general sending of plagues and boils upon the person who annoys from the neighboring work cubicle, former university friends who now have 1. better jobs, 2. more money, 3. beautiful partners, or 4. has had cosmetic surgery though pretends otherwise.
32 grams will get you traffic free highways on the commute to work, no waiting in line for doctors, at banks, government departments, or checkouts, and wait, there’s more - no grey hair. In the case of the gentleman, you will be granted hair that remains on your head and never on your ears, but it may be grey. 32 grams of gold dust only goes so far!
The big stuff, a gold bar, will get you three wishes, as long as you remember your place and don’t expect to rise above me, as my fabulosity will not be undone!
Other indulgences upon request. Price non negotiable, no guarantees or warranties. Non returnable. Responsibility and risk upon the requester.
An indulgence, in Catholic Theology, is the full or partial remission of temporal punishment due for sins which have already been forgiven. The indulgence is granted by the church after the sinner has confessed and received absolution. The belief is that indulgences draw on the Treasure House of Merit accumulated by Jesus' sacrifice and the virtues and penances of the saints. They are granted for specific good works and prayers.
Indulgences replaced the severe penances of the early Church. More exactly, they replaced the shortening of those penances that was allowed at the intercession of those imprisoned and those awaiting martyrdom for the faith.
Abuses in granting indulgences were a major point of contention when Martin Luther initiated the Protestant Reformation (1517).
Definitions of colonoscopy on the Web:
- visual examination of the colon (with a colonoscope) from the cecum to the rectum; requires sedation
wordnetweb.princeton.edu/perl/webwn - colonoscope - an elongated fiberoptic endoscope for examining the entire colon from cecum to rectum
wordnetweb.princeton.edu/perl/webwn - colonoscope - a flexible fibreoptic endoscope used to examine the colon and obtain tissue samples
en.wiktionary.org/wiki/colonoscope - Examination of the entire colon with an optic fiber tube inserted through the anus and rectum.
aspirus.org/aboutAspirus/index.cfm - a test that uses a long, flexible tube with a light and camera lens at the end (colonoscope) to examine inside the large intestine.
www.childrenscentralcal.org/HealthE/P03012/Pages/P03011.aspx - A procedure in which a long flexible viewing tube (a colonoscope) is threaded up through the rectum for the purpose of inspecting the entire colon and rectum and, if there is an abnormality, taking a biopsy of it or removing it. ...
www.medicinenet.com/virtual_colonoscopy/glossary.htm - Examination of the interior of the colon using a flexible viewing instrument.
www.everydayhealth.com/gerd/understanding/glossary.aspx - a diagnostic procedure in which a flexible tube with a light source in inserted into the colon (large intestine or large bowel) through the anus to view all sections of the colon for abnormalities.
www.womenshealthzone.net/glossary/c/ - colonoscope - A thin, lighted tube used to examine the inside of the colon.
www.pbs.org/secondopinion/episodes/coloncancer/medicalglossary/story283.html - colonoscope - The long flexible lighted instrument used for performing Colonoscopy.
www.ostomy.evansville.net/terms.htm - colonoscope - Flexible, elongated tube that can be inserted through the anus allowing the inside of the colon to be seen.
www.hollister.com/anz/ostomy/resource/glossary.html - (col-un-AH-skuh-pee) examination of the colon with a long, flexible, lighted tube called a colonoscope. The doctor can look for polyps during the exam and even remove them using a wire loop passed through the colonoscope.
www.mesothelioma-line.com/articles/glossary/ - An examination of the large intestine utilizing a long lighted fiberoptic or video scope.
www.ostomy.evansville.net/terms.htm - Visualization of the lining of the anus, rectum and colon through a rigid proctosigmoidoscope or a flexible fiber optic endoscope (types of viewing tubes). This procedure allows diagnosis of tumors and inflammatory diseases.
www.abbottdiagnostics.com/Glossary/index.cfm - Procedure that allows inspection and tissue sampling of the rectum and large intestine by inserting a flexible tube with an attached camera through the rectum.
www.barrx.com/Patients_and_Families/index.cfm/55
HAPPY NEW YEAR - I think not! I was gong to say that I am really pissed off, but under the circumstances that might not be qute the right descripton!
Ben and I took the doggies out for a walk through our yard and then through the park across the street.
For the New Year, I am going to grant myself sainthood - Saint Flamingo Dancer the Wonderful - and throw a bit of fabulosity about the world. I will also sell indulgences for financial gain (mine). Stay tuned for price lists.
Someone may have awoken in the early dark hours of Christmas Day feeling somewhat ill. Sadly it was not from any excess of Christmas Eve festivities, though we had eaten brandy soaked chocolate cherry cake for dessert and downed several cocktails.No, the hostess with the very mostess went down with boring old diverticulitis, so the mission for the day was not to let anoyone else know. I battled through lunch anvd the afternoon. I even allowed Neice aged 4 1/2 to paint my fingernails and toenails with nail polish. I am a fantastic great aunt, naturally.
I got to about 6pm and everyone had drinkies and I set The Boy to carving more ham for a dinner when I found a quiet corner on the floor and fell asleep. At this stage I had confided to Daughter2 that I was ill and instructed her to remove my nail polish should I die in the night, as I would prefer not to go into eternity attired so.
About 2 hours later apparently I was still asleep and Daughter2 was making noises about me being really tired to cover for me, when someone joked that "maybe she dead!" Ha Ha Ha.
This is when Daughter2's FD genes showed to their best. D2, knowing that I was actually sick, thought "what if she really is dead? What if we are one of those horrible famillies who joke about someone dying on Christmas Day and they really are lying there dead? Will we be all over the papers tomorrow morning? Should I go and check? No, I don't want to go near dead people." So, she just went on enjoyng the evening! I could have actually died and no one, not even the fruit of my own womb, would have cared. Revenge will be sweet.
I did rise from the dead, with everyone joking about how they thought I might be dead. I remember muttering a reply along the lines "did anyone attempt the kiss of life on me, or draw a moustache on my face? Ha Ha Ha" , and wandered off to bed, letting Daughter1 into "the secret" wth instructions to play the game wth D2.
The flaw in my plan was telling MR FD when he came to bed, for first thing in the morning he walks downstairs and announces in his best town cryer voice that anyone in a 5 street radius would have heard the "FD is ill!"
Well in the blink of an eye, my mother and sister, who had stayed overnight, were racng each other up the stairs and at my bedside. Mother started her hand ringing routine "oh it's so unfair" and Sister her "I'll spring clean your bedroom and organise your closet into the colours of the colour spectrum" and both being so utterly annoyng that I gave into the pain and wished for instant death. They left several long hours later...Merry Christmas.
Daughter 2 went for a long walk on Boxing Day and a man was opening his car to put his two bulldogs into the back, when they saw D2 and raced across the street to greet her. The man called the dogs back and they went back to the car, but as he was putting one into the car, the other dog raced back to D2. He called out to her "Pick him up!" D2 is however not comfortable around dogs and so she replied to him" I am not very good with dogs" and so in a panic tiptoed daintly across the street saying "here doggie, doggie" in the hope that the dog would follow her. Luckly it did. D2 is always having weird things interactions with the general public.
Yesterday Mr FD, Son and D2 went to do their duty with Mr FD's parents. Apparently Grandpa was in the toilet a long time and D2 told me later that she was a little concerned that he might have died in there "but as you know, I don't check dead people!" so she went and sat down again! Compasson is a big thing in our family, obviously!
Son arrived home and told me that Uncle Adulterer and Cousin Dropkick, had done us a great favour because Grandpa hates Uncle so much, and has such a low opinion of cousin that "we look like the prodigal family in comparison"
Don't you love Christmas?
Woke to 99.8 fever. Not much for most, but I typically run 97.6.
Still "off" but I just COULD NOT stay away from the Macy's after christmas sale.
Oh, and I had a gift certificate (like I kept to THAT amount). :-)
Once back I found "just enough" energy to sort my clothes and reorganize my side of the closet and my dresser.
TA DA. Summer stuff stored away. Things that don't fit, or I don't wear - in a bag for goodwill. Now If I can just get BEN to sort through his stuff! Seems "his" cat peed on this clothes on the floor of the closet. Um. Ben. PICK UP YOUR CLOTHES. :-)
Also got shoot some birds (with a great camera). Ben got a new fancy pants camera with HD video capacity and I inherited his prior fancy pants Canon! He's letting me borrow all his amazing lens (until I prove unworthy). He even taught me a bit about HOW to use the camera. I have not downloaded anything - but I did catch at least one cardinal!
We are waiting for snow. It was SUPPOSED to come today, but no snow. Maybe tomorrow. Should be A LOT of snow.
:- ) I have a new friend with a pair of barely used cross country skis I am likely to buy from her. There should be snow to ski on in the parks and in my yard soon.
Can you tell? I am very very happy here. Even if I AM a tad sick.
There be nasty cold in me lungs and voice box. I be coughin and blowin and there be much layin about. arggggh
Thanks be to the sunny skies and calm winds and me scurvy meds. aggggh
